HENSLEY HOPES: My thoughts!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

My thoughts!

this is really out of the ordenarry for me to write what I think but I think it might help me at least. Normal things like running arrends or getting the car regestered have been effecting me emensley. Today for instance I had to get some medicade paperwork in, go to the bank, and get Josh's car regestered. After doing the first thing I had massive angsiety. Shaking uncontrolably. I feel like I am going crazy. I can't do anything normal without having a massive panic attack, shaking, or crying. I wasn't this way whn Evie died. I like to sleep most because that is when I see her the most. She is alive and happy in my dreams and I don't want to wake up. Haven't I been through enough in my life? Why does this keep happening to me? It so unfair. I thought that having gone through it once I would never have to do it again. I thought that my peace I was feeling before she died meant that she was going to live. I'm so confused. I was done picking up my life from the last time. I don't want to start all over again. Right now I hate life. I want to go back to before. I have to take sleeping pills at night so I don't stay up and think about what happened all night. I can't step foot in my house without some massive melt down. I don't think I can function nomally. How do I pick up the peices?

3 comments:

Anonymous said...: I stumbled across this blog- I don't know you, and I'm not even going to pretend like I know what you're going through. But your daughters are both radiant. They are both beautiful and they both had jobs to do in this world. They aren't physically with you anymore, but I believe in my heart that you will be able to be with them and raise them someday. I'm not going to say they're in a better place, because I think that the best place for any child is with her mother. But I will say that they have absolutely got to be watching over you. That they miss you and love you unconditionally and can't wait until you can someday join them in the next life.
Take comfort in your husband. He is the closest person in the world who knows exactly what you're going through.
I can't imagine how painful this is.
You are in my thoughts and prayers, as are your two beautiful angels.; June 30, 2010 at 7:01 PM
Charis said...: I am still praying for you Melanie. I love you, miss you, and just want you to know that you are in my prayers, thoughts, and I am hoping the best for you.; July 2, 2010 at 9:58 AM
jill said...: Mel all I can think of to say is Pray and find something to do that will honor your babies...something that will give a fresh driection and purpose. I like what this Lindsey girl said, it's completely the truth.

Loves!; July 2, 2010 at 4:35 PM

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Established June 15, 2002. Josh and I met at LDS Business College Jan. 28, 2002 in a IT class for dummies. He was actually interested in the blond girl sitting next to me. She however was waiting for a missionary. Then he noticed that I was smart, funny, not to mention I was a red head. We started dating in February. Decided to get married 2 weeks later. Were engaged by March and were married in June. I was 19 and he was just off his mission. We have been through a lot. But we still love each other more and more everyday. I'm so glad he picked me.

Josh grew up in Washington State in a tiny town called Zillah. He is the Youngest of 7 children. His parents both were married and their spouses died. His mom had two boys and a girl. His dad had two girls and a boy. They then married each other and had Josh. He is awesome. He's funny, smart and makes me laugh everyday. He currently works for the state of Utah as a Corrections Officer. He works at the Draper Prison. He is a great provider and does his best. I honestly don't think I could have married anyone better. He keeps me sane. Everyday he shows me how much he loves me with a touch, a smile, a hug. I don't know if anyone else could have put up with me through the years. I love him so much.

Evie Nanette Hensley was born on June 14, 2007. She was 5 lb. 15 oz. and was 19 1/2 inches long. She was born with a birth defect called a Diaphragmatic Hernia. This was a whole in her diaphragm that allowed all of the organs from the bottom half of her body to enter the chest cavity. Her heart, stomach, intestines and liver were all in the top half of her body. This caused one of her lungs to not develop properly. She also received a brain hemorrhage that made in impossible for her to be put on a ECMO machine to help her survive. She returned to our Heavenly Father on June 15, 2007 after 14 hours of life. Our 5th wedding anniversary. We love her and miss her everyday. We can't wait for the day when I will see her again.

Allyson Belle Hensley joined the family on February 27, 2009. She weighed 4 lb. 8 oz. and was 17 1/2 inches long. She also was 6 1/2 weeks early. She like Evie also had a Diaphragmatic Hernia. She was born with only 20% of her diaphragm. She spent 4 months at Primary Children's NICU after birth and 1 month in their PICU a year later. She has had her Hernia repaired three times. We also found out that she only has one kidney. Her right one works wonderfully but she has no left kidney. She was on oxygen and a feeding tube constantly until November 2009 to February 2010 . Friday June 11, 2010 Allyson returned to her Heavenly Father surrounded by loving family. She had a cardiac arrest on Tuesday June 8th and suffered massive brain damage. She was in a coma until Friday when life support was removed. She died peacefully Friday June 11, 2010 at 3:20 p.m. She will be missed by all who knew her. I am so grateful for the time I had with her. I will miss her wonderful smiles in the morning. We love you so much Ally. Forever and Always.

Gracie Lynn Hensley made her grand entrace on July 18, 2011. She weighed 6 lb. 7 oz. and was 21 1/4 inches long. The bigest child we have had so far. She was sceduled to be induced July 18th @ 7:30 am but wanted to come on her own terms. She decided to come earlier at 2:21 am. She was born perfect. No problems with CDH. She did have a bit of Jondas, but is doing fabulous. It has been such a blessing to be able to hold her from birth and be able to take her home after our hospital stay. I can't stop holding her and kissing her. I truely thank Heavenly Father for our wonderful blessing every day.

HENSLEY HOPES

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

My thoughts!

3 comments:

Evie's CDH Awareness Ribbon

Ally's CDH Awareness Ribbon