HENSLEY HOPES: Some hard mommy emotions

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Some hard mommy emotions

Lately I have felt really detached from Gracie. Don't get me wrong. I am so glad to have her and I love her. But I don't feel like her mom yet. I don't feel bonded to her. Perhaps it is the fact that I am totally scared out of my mind that she is going to die in her sleep or something. Or the fact that I haven't had enough sleep. The other night I did have a thought that if at the end of the world we were dying of starvation, I don't know if I could watch her suffer. I feel like the worlds worst mom because of how I feel. I don't really hold her as much as I should. I don't feel like her mom yet. I feel a little distant from her. WHat is wrong with me? I was so excited to hold her and have her and now I don't know how I feel. I feel horrible.

3 comments:

Samantha Kennicott said...: Sounds like some post-partum hormones hitting you hard. Don't get down on yourself for it, it happens all the time and there are ways you can treat it. I would talk to your doctor about it and see what she thinks. Hang in there, it will get easier when your body gets back to normal. Love you!; August 8, 2011 at 2:24 PM
jill said...: I'm sure you are a wonderful mother Mel but it sounds like Post-partum depression to me too, for sure talk to your doctor. I have had a lot of friends get through it and I know you can do it too! Good luck keeping you in my thoughts!; August 14, 2011 at 1:16 PM
this is audrey said...: I'll agree with Sammi and Jill. Post-partum depression is something you want to get some help with, and not just try to "suffer through it."; August 16, 2011 at 8:35 PM

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Established June 15, 2002. Josh and I met at LDS Business College Jan. 28, 2002 in a IT class for dummies. He was actually interested in the blond girl sitting next to me. She however was waiting for a missionary. Then he noticed that I was smart, funny, not to mention I was a red head. We started dating in February. Decided to get married 2 weeks later. Were engaged by March and were married in June. I was 19 and he was just off his mission. We have been through a lot. But we still love each other more and more everyday. I'm so glad he picked me.

Josh grew up in Washington State in a tiny town called Zillah. He is the Youngest of 7 children. His parents both were married and their spouses died. His mom had two boys and a girl. His dad had two girls and a boy. They then married each other and had Josh. He is awesome. He's funny, smart and makes me laugh everyday. He currently works for the state of Utah as a Corrections Officer. He works at the Draper Prison. He is a great provider and does his best. I honestly don't think I could have married anyone better. He keeps me sane. Everyday he shows me how much he loves me with a touch, a smile, a hug. I don't know if anyone else could have put up with me through the years. I love him so much.

Evie Nanette Hensley was born on June 14, 2007. She was 5 lb. 15 oz. and was 19 1/2 inches long. She was born with a birth defect called a Diaphragmatic Hernia. This was a whole in her diaphragm that allowed all of the organs from the bottom half of her body to enter the chest cavity. Her heart, stomach, intestines and liver were all in the top half of her body. This caused one of her lungs to not develop properly. She also received a brain hemorrhage that made in impossible for her to be put on a ECMO machine to help her survive. She returned to our Heavenly Father on June 15, 2007 after 14 hours of life. Our 5th wedding anniversary. We love her and miss her everyday. We can't wait for the day when I will see her again.

Allyson Belle Hensley joined the family on February 27, 2009. She weighed 4 lb. 8 oz. and was 17 1/2 inches long. She also was 6 1/2 weeks early. She like Evie also had a Diaphragmatic Hernia. She was born with only 20% of her diaphragm. She spent 4 months at Primary Children's NICU after birth and 1 month in their PICU a year later. She has had her Hernia repaired three times. We also found out that she only has one kidney. Her right one works wonderfully but she has no left kidney. She was on oxygen and a feeding tube constantly until November 2009 to February 2010 . Friday June 11, 2010 Allyson returned to her Heavenly Father surrounded by loving family. She had a cardiac arrest on Tuesday June 8th and suffered massive brain damage. She was in a coma until Friday when life support was removed. She died peacefully Friday June 11, 2010 at 3:20 p.m. She will be missed by all who knew her. I am so grateful for the time I had with her. I will miss her wonderful smiles in the morning. We love you so much Ally. Forever and Always.

Gracie Lynn Hensley made her grand entrace on July 18, 2011. She weighed 6 lb. 7 oz. and was 21 1/4 inches long. The bigest child we have had so far. She was sceduled to be induced July 18th @ 7:30 am but wanted to come on her own terms. She decided to come earlier at 2:21 am. She was born perfect. No problems with CDH. She did have a bit of Jondas, but is doing fabulous. It has been such a blessing to be able to hold her from birth and be able to take her home after our hospital stay. I can't stop holding her and kissing her. I truely thank Heavenly Father for our wonderful blessing every day.

HENSLEY HOPES

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Some hard mommy emotions

3 comments:

Evie's CDH Awareness Ribbon

Ally's CDH Awareness Ribbon