HENSLEY HOPES: Discouraging Day

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Discouraging Day

Last night I went to see my mom in Cinderella at Murray Amphitheater. Josh, dad, Manda, Camille, and I all went. We had a great time. After the show we went to Leatherby's for Ice cream. Now don't get me wrong I love to hear stories about my nieces and nephews, but tonight I got really sad. Manda started talking about the Mother's Day program that Kai's preschool did for the moms. She told us how excited he was when performing. The teachers would ask the kids what they liked most, and how old they thought their mom's were. Most of the kids said 3, but Kai said 30. Kai said that Amanda's Hair was pretty. It made me think of Ally and how she never said those things to me. She never told me that she loved me. I know she did but oh how I want to hear her say it. I am kind of wondering if I will ever be able to rase my children on earth. I know that my children were the best and that they were to good to be here, but can't I just have a normal one? Why do my children keep dying? All I have ever wanted to be in this life is a mother. And I can't even be that. What does God want me to do? Doesn't he want me to be happy? I know that I will never be able to adopt. We will never have enough to pay for a kid. Josh and I both think we couldn't handle fostering. We couldn't bear to have the state take away the kids we foster. I wish that someone, someone who doesn't want there baby, to leave it on my doorstep. Leave it and know that the baby would be perfectly fine and happy. But who does that? No one. Sometimes I just Hate my life.

4 comments:

Charis said...: I wish I knew of someone who was giving a way a baby. . . I would make sure that you got it.; August 6, 2010 at 3:01 PM
~Mrs. Callie Owen~ said...: If I ever find someone ready to put a baby on a doorstep I will make sure its you!; August 8, 2010 at 2:11 PM
The.Marcellus.Family said...: I want to have a baby and then bring it to you with a big bow on it.; August 9, 2010 at 10:10 PM
Kristy said...: Melanie, you might not remember me, but I am a good friend of your mom's. I heard about your loss and wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and your husband. You will be in our prayers. Don't give up on adoption. My daughter has adopted two darling children. They are such a blessing in our lives.; August 11, 2010 at 6:58 PM

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)

Established June 15, 2002. Josh and I met at LDS Business College Jan. 28, 2002 in a IT class for dummies. He was actually interested in the blond girl sitting next to me. She however was waiting for a missionary. Then he noticed that I was smart, funny, not to mention I was a red head. We started dating in February. Decided to get married 2 weeks later. Were engaged by March and were married in June. I was 19 and he was just off his mission. We have been through a lot. But we still love each other more and more everyday. I'm so glad he picked me.

Josh grew up in Washington State in a tiny town called Zillah. He is the Youngest of 7 children. His parents both were married and their spouses died. His mom had two boys and a girl. His dad had two girls and a boy. They then married each other and had Josh. He is awesome. He's funny, smart and makes me laugh everyday. He currently works for the state of Utah as a Corrections Officer. He works at the Draper Prison. He is a great provider and does his best. I honestly don't think I could have married anyone better. He keeps me sane. Everyday he shows me how much he loves me with a touch, a smile, a hug. I don't know if anyone else could have put up with me through the years. I love him so much.

Evie Nanette Hensley was born on June 14, 2007. She was 5 lb. 15 oz. and was 19 1/2 inches long. She was born with a birth defect called a Diaphragmatic Hernia. This was a whole in her diaphragm that allowed all of the organs from the bottom half of her body to enter the chest cavity. Her heart, stomach, intestines and liver were all in the top half of her body. This caused one of her lungs to not develop properly. She also received a brain hemorrhage that made in impossible for her to be put on a ECMO machine to help her survive. She returned to our Heavenly Father on June 15, 2007 after 14 hours of life. Our 5th wedding anniversary. We love her and miss her everyday. We can't wait for the day when I will see her again.

Allyson Belle Hensley joined the family on February 27, 2009. She weighed 4 lb. 8 oz. and was 17 1/2 inches long. She also was 6 1/2 weeks early. She like Evie also had a Diaphragmatic Hernia. She was born with only 20% of her diaphragm. She spent 4 months at Primary Children's NICU after birth and 1 month in their PICU a year later. She has had her Hernia repaired three times. We also found out that she only has one kidney. Her right one works wonderfully but she has no left kidney. She was on oxygen and a feeding tube constantly until November 2009 to February 2010 . Friday June 11, 2010 Allyson returned to her Heavenly Father surrounded by loving family. She had a cardiac arrest on Tuesday June 8th and suffered massive brain damage. She was in a coma until Friday when life support was removed. She died peacefully Friday June 11, 2010 at 3:20 p.m. She will be missed by all who knew her. I am so grateful for the time I had with her. I will miss her wonderful smiles in the morning. We love you so much Ally. Forever and Always.

Gracie Lynn Hensley made her grand entrace on July 18, 2011. She weighed 6 lb. 7 oz. and was 21 1/4 inches long. The bigest child we have had so far. She was sceduled to be induced July 18th @ 7:30 am but wanted to come on her own terms. She decided to come earlier at 2:21 am. She was born perfect. No problems with CDH. She did have a bit of Jondas, but is doing fabulous. It has been such a blessing to be able to hold her from birth and be able to take her home after our hospital stay. I can't stop holding her and kissing her. I truely thank Heavenly Father for our wonderful blessing every day.

HENSLEY HOPES

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Discouraging Day

4 comments:

Evie's CDH Awareness Ribbon

Ally's CDH Awareness Ribbon