No Pregnancy!

Went to the doctor today. Doctor took urine sample. The didn't tell me what is was at the doctor's. The nurse sent me home because the lab was backed up. She said that she would have the doctor call me. So an hour later I got the answer that I am totally normal. Doctor says its some random virus. Lucky me. I am really disappointed. I thought this was the start of a new good thing in my life. But yet again a disappointment. I am so sick of life. It never gets better. You think it will and it gets worse and worse. What am I suppose to do to learn? I can't take it anymore. why live it nothing ever gets better? I can't tell if what is going to happen will be good or bad. I can't react the way I want to anymore. I can't be happy for good things and I am so bitter about everything bad. I don't have any compassion anymore. I hear that my my grandpa might die. My reaction is guess it's just his time. I'm not one bit sad. Am I losing my mind. I'm should to be so sad. I don't care. I am losing who I am. I don't what to be someone who doesn't care. I want to be compassionate. I want to care about things but I don't. I feel like I am losing who i am. I'm losing me.