Sleeping Medication!

I started taking some sleeping medication about a month after Ally died. I couldn't stop thinking and reliving the day she died. I went to the doctor for help and he proscribed Seriqul. I'm not taking that much and I want to stop but it seems when I stop taking it I can't fall asleep at all. I toss and turn all night and then I wake up at ridiculous hours of the morning like 3:30 and 5. When I do take my medication I usually don't get up until 11. Can't there be a medium. I'm only taking a half of a 50 mg. Josh bought some thing to help you not snore but all it does is make it a little less it doesn't cure his snoring. I don't want to wake him but I can't sleep at all. I feel bad because he has to work early but what about me. I can't sleep ether. What do I do? I wish I could have that anxiety pill my doctor gave me when I was pregnant with Ally. I was always panicking and I needed something to make me feel ok. The stuff the doctor gave me was awesome. I took it and immediately I couldn't feel any of my emotions. I wasn't happy, sad, scared or anything. The bad thing is that it also made you sleepy. What I wouldn't give for some of those meds now. Maybe I can call my old doctor and see if she would prescribe some more to me. Could I be becoming a druggy? I just need some kind of help to get me through this and I don't think cutting is the best. Although it has crossed my mind a couple of times.